In Germany, Toilets Aren’t Just For Pooping, But Inspection Of The Self
If inspecting these esoteric, traditionalistic, foreign and domestic sanitary habits tells us anything it’s good to take a good look at your toilet routines every once and a while. But there’s no need to make a habit out of it — lest you end up with an overly rigid poop-inspection culture.
The Germanic peoples have a long history of being slightly obsessed with poop. That hasn’t just influenced how they look at medicine or money or music or God but even how they look at toilets themselves. Enter the Flachspüler or “shallow flusher,’ a type of German toilet that for centuries has caused upset for its tourists, ex-pats, and dialectic materialist philosophers.
As opposed to the bullseye basins of Western European toilets or the above-ground swimming pools Americans insist on filling their toilets with, inside the Flachspüler toilet bowl is just more toilet bowl, with only a slight drainage opening at the front. So unless you can curve your turds like you’re in a deleted bathroom scene from the movie Wanted, your business will lounge around on the poop deck instead of immediately sailing down to the sewer. That’s the point. In and after the Middle Ages, central Europe had serious intestinal parasite problems. This encouraged Germans to get real casual real fast about handling and inspecting their poop. And since stool inspection is all about quantity over quality, it made sense to create a toilet that lets you do a quick doublecheck your Wurst to see if it’s time for a visit to the doctor.
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