It’s also true that Bowie had his own message board (one of the perks of BowieNet service, along with your very own e-mail address), and he did post and chat there under the name “sailor,” which is probably a reference to that photo of him standing on a boat with an America-themed thong that all of us have had as our phone lock screen at some point.
The only problem is that the website in the viral screenshot is not BowieNet but Teenage Wildlife, which was the Bowie message board you went to when you got banned from other Bowie message boards. The TW website itself was an invaluable repository of Bowie-related data, but the message board also contained large doses of trolling, flaming, barely intelligible hypersexual Italians thirsting for “The Area,” and some of the worst poetry ever conceived by human minds. (Or, in my case, the worst 32-page Major Tom musical ever written by a Bowie-obsessed 18-year-old who’d just entered film school.)
Most people in the forum were aware that “SaiIor” (with an upper case “i”) was not actually Bowie but a poster also sometimes known as Muhammed Shibaz Moqito, most famous for continually fooling newcomers into clicking on links to Tubgirl. If you don’t know what Tubgirl is, don’t look it up. And if you already did, well, guess that technically makes you the 14,324th or so person to be Tubgirl’d by Mr. Moqito, if only indirectly.
Eidos
Besides, by this point, the real Bowie wasn’t even posting much on his official forum, let alone on third-party sites that weren’t making him money. And when he did post at BowieNet in the mid-’00s, it was mostly to squash rumors or rave about his latest musical discovery in as few words as possible.
davidbowie.com
davidbowie.com
While we’re at it, note that BowieNet’s bland white background looks nothing like TW’s stylish light-blue-on-purple color scheme. A couple of minutes of research would have been enough to debunk the famous screenshot before it went viral, but I guess we want to live in a world where one of the most legendary rock stars and sex symbols in history was secretly a shitposter like the rest of us.
As for Mr. Moqito, I reached out to him to ask if he wanted to add anything to this article, and he only offered the following cryptic message: “Just add my condolences to the Widow Mike Garson.”
Maxwell Yezpitelok lives in Chile and also on Twitter. Suck it Bowie WonderWorld, TW 4 LYFE.
Top image: Adam Bielawski/Wikimedia Commons
Related: Uh, The David Bowie Movie Won’t Have Bowie’s Music In It
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