So, no, you don’t “hate” Brian for stealing your clearly marked lunch from the breakroom fridge. Not unless you’re willing to get a blowjob from a bad-acid-trip reboot of Pinocchio in order to get back at him.
Tokoloshe: Like A South African Graboid … Only Smaller … And Actually The Penis Of A Goblin
The tokoloshe is a creature from Zulu mythology that frequently appears in the legends around South Africa. It’s essentially a familiar: a magical creature created/controlled by a witch or shaman to do their bidding. It either looks like a monkey or goblin and, hey, so far so not-puking-in-a-trashcan! Unfortunately, we now have to mention tokoloshe’s penis.
It’s gigantic. Like ridiculously huge. We’re talking about “mistaken for a third leg” big. Logically, the tokoloshe should violently pass out whenever it gets an erection because it would take all the blood in its body to inflate that fireman’s hose-sized flesh balloon. But it somehow manages to stay awake while getting a boner which is a problem because the tokoloshe apparently is horny 25/8, 369 days a year. It’s why the witch that brings it to life has to have regular sex with the goblin, so it stays by her side and does what she asks for.
Also, the tokoloshe are created by jabbing a red-hot poker into their heads to make a hole and sometimes even have their eyes gouged out. So, the least the witch can do is ride its unholy abomination’s magic broom for a while. It’s just common courtesy.
But getting to bang their boss is often not enough to satisfy the tokoloshe, and they apparently go on frequent rape sprees targeting men and women. They have a lot of ways to get inside a house, but the most disturbing one by far is their ability to extend and drill their penises underground, where they will travel like smaller yet somehow more terrifying graboids from Tremors. The dick-worm will burrow as long as it needs to find a victim, then it will pop out of the ground and commence its sexual assault.
Universal Pictures
This is the part where we, sadly, have to mention that despite the ridiculous description of the monster, “tokoloshe” is a serious matter because it’s still sometimes blamed for real rapes perpetrated by real people. I guess the ultimate lesson here is: Reality may not actually be stranger than fiction, but it’s always much more depressing.
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Top image: Brigham Young University
5 Creepy Creatures And Nightmare Fuel From Foreign Folklore
Source: Pinoy Daily News
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