Before we get to the X-Men ice-cream mutants, we have to talk about clowns. I know it’s weird to derail an article before it even starts, but though the road ahead may be rocky, you gotta chill because at the end of it, you will be baskin’ in scoops of pop-culture knowledge that will also be robin’ you of your sanity.
Between 1973 and 1983, Marvel published a satirical magazine called Crazy in an attempt to rip off Mad (can you imagine something so brazen and ludicrous?) For a while, their mascot was Obnoxio the Clown, a divorced, potty-mouthed, part-time entertainer who eventually migrated into the Marvel comic universe as an early prototype of Squirrel Girl, basically. As in, he was a joke character who had no real powers but could somehow hold his own against some of Marvel’s biggest heavy-hitters like the X-Men. More importantly, though, the first issue of his own book, Obnoxio the Clown Vol 1, introduced the world to Eye-Scream, X-Men’s first ice-cream-themed mutant.
Marvel Comics
In the comic, Eye-Scream has the power to turn into any flavor of ice cream that he wants, but instead of spending the rest of his existence living that cat life of sitting around his house licking himself (AND NOT GAINING WEIGHT), he, for whatever reason, didn’t like his powers. Not only that, he was jealous of the X-Men and their awesome abilities (sit your scrotum-ass down, Skin, I obviously wasn’t talking about you). So he decided to trash their mansion. Sure. Through a series of weird coincidences, he runs into Obnoxio and decides to kill him, an instinct that is shared by most sentient life on this planet. In the end, Eye-Scream gets frozen solid, Obnoxio decorates him like a sundae for that veiled threat of cannibalism that clowns always emanate, and the comic book ends. But its legacy lives in.
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