11 Worst Wrestling Gimmicks Ever Thought Up

The creation of a wrestling character, I’d assume, is a lot like what happens when you sit down to create a character in a video game. But you’re also sitting down blackout drunk. With a hook hand moving the joystick and a hand that’s a drunken pigeon pecking away at the buttons. That character will also be leaping out of your screen, ripped out, potentially steroided out of their mind, and will immediately want to grab a microphone and start ranting about the violence they’re going to commit onto other characters you have created and saved.

That’s to say, I doubt that coming up with wrestling gimmicks is easy. There are so many variables you have to address and consider that it’s only inevitable that they … sometimes … get a little sideways. With such a rich history of so many amazing characters and outlandish gimmicks, it’s only fair that there have been some swings and misses here and there. Then sometimes there the ones where the batter swung, missed, shit his pants so much that the poop created a poop tower beneath him that lifted him into space where he died a space death with no oxygen because he could have never foreseen his poopy baseball rocketship when he stepped into that batter’s box …

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No two things may overlap more than carneys and pro wrestlers. Pro wrestlers are basically what happens if a carney applied themselves just a tad bit more. Had he not been so driven, you could easily picture Stone Cold Steve Austin slugging beers by the hurl-a-whirl, while a hard-luck John Cena is fistfighting a teenager who tried to steal his booth’s six-foot Shrek doll. Kizarny, however, is what happens when wrestling tries to reverse engineer that destiny and give us a hybrid of both. And boy, was Kizarny every shitty part of the late 2000s come to life. 

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His look was as though he was like one of those stories you hear about a loyal Japanese soldier emerging from a Pacific Theater island post, 40 years after the war had ended. Only in Kizarny’s case, he appears to have passed out at a Spin Doctors concert in the 90s and woke up under the ring fifteen years later. No part of this man’s gimmick works. No matter how muscly he may be, I refuse to be intimidated by what happens when Vince Neil goes as Criss Angel for Halloween. Not surprisingly, Kizarny, something I am having such a hard time even bringing myself to type, did not have a long run in the business.

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Mortal Kombat characters are a lot like wrestlers. They are kind of the demonic world’s version of a gimmick. In that world, they basically thought of an element and backed a character into it. Would it be cool to freeze somebody into a block of ice? Of course, so here’s Sub-Zero. What about ripping off your mask to breathe fire? Scorpion’s your guy. Glacier, the wrestler, is what happens when wrestling sees the popularity of Mortal Kombat’s characters and tries to bring them over to the ring.