A Deep Dive Into ‘Mr. Six,’ The Nightmarish Six Flags Dancing Mascot

You begin to tell yourself that you deserve this. That you were the one dumb enough to fall in love with someone who could possibly participate in a Mr. Six lookalike contest. A wave of surrender washes over you, and you force a smile, tell him he looks great, and get ready to warm up the car. It was all too late; Mr. Six had already made his mark — there was no going back.

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He Burned Bright, He Burned Hot

One of the craziest things about the Mr. Six character is that, at least to me, it feels like it went on forever. Like this campaign lasted decades and, in some ways, I feel like it’s still on. Turning on my television and bracing for him to appear, like a shell-shocked man returning to televised Vietnam. But, in reality, the whole thing really went on for a year. 

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In 2005, when notoriously bad human being Dan Snyder bought Six Flags, one of his very first missions was to erase Mr. Six from the face of the Earth. Think about that for a second. A guy who is a well-documented piece of shit still had the sense to know this guy had to go. It almost gives you hope in the human condition. In our ability to learn and recognize utter garbage, even if it doesn’t happen right away. I can only wonder if you sat Mussolini in a focus group of any Geico commercial if even he’d be like, “Eh, this is simply too monstrous to unleash on the world.” 

Geico

“At least Mussolini made the ads run on time.”

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As quickly as he did his violent dance of a drowning man into our lives, Mr. Six was out of there. Having left an indelible mark on all of us. By indelible, I, of course, mean the way he entwined himself into our soul like a branded genital wart that can never be removed.
But who was Mr. Six? Surely, that was not actually an old man in there. That much was obvious. If anyone over 60 tried those spastic moves, their bones would pop into a cloud of fine, visible dust like their body just did a gender reveal party. As with all things Mr. Six, the horror is ramped up when you find out that beneath all of that was actually a handsome, ripped young man. 

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Mr. Six (pack)

Wrapped up in a serious NDA at the time, it took years for Danny Teeson to be able to come forward as the real Mr. Six. In what had to be therapeutic for him, to be able to get that off his chest once and for all. 

It just all goes to show how stupid these kinds of campaigns are anyway. Wouldn’t it have been better for everyone if you just had this handsome dancing dude invite people to come dance and party with him at Six Flags, rather than actively make him terrifying to look at and be around before doing so? Of course, we aren’t that lucky; it’s the job of these advertising agencies to put us through hell and to come up with the biggest assault to our eyeballs that they possibly can. 

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There was even an attempt at a second round of Mr. Six torment a few years later when the character was briefly brought back. This time, though, the nation had finally wised up, and we kicked that hairless freak to the curb where he belongs. We know how this goes, though, all ideas come back, and there’s no doubt he’ll return again one day. We just have to be ready with a purpose-built rollercoaster that looks really high, so high that it touches the clouds, but we promise it comes back down, strap him in, and let him find out the hard way that thing isn’t ever coming back down to us.