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For reasons unclear, the family also gave the chimp access to pornography and copious amounts of alcohol in addition to an Easy-Bake Oven. Guess which one she took more interest in. Arriving home, the couple would frequently find their “daughter” on the couch leafing through Playgirl magazines while pleasuring herself with a vacuum attachment. Quite a departure from the innocent vacuum scene in the PG-13 film. In the B-comedy, Bonzo learned manners, and Ronald Reagan learned how to be a father. In reality, eleven years had driven Lucy to the delusion she was human, albeit with the upper body strength of several Olympic weight lifters, psychological issues, and a penchant for pummeling and biting strangers.
Scrambling to control their maturing chimp houseguest, the Temerlins sought out any solution to quell her mood swings and, uh, shall we say, “natural appetites.” However, she rejected her chimp suitors as uncouth slobs. The dating pool for chimps with toilet training, a respectable career, a pension, and a love of preposterous headgear is minuscule. The chimp that played Bonzo was dead, and Ham, the NASA test chimp, was a bondage freak only interested in being tied up.
NASA
It was only a matter of time before Lucy ripped the mailman’s dick off in a drunken bout of pent-up sexual confusion. Lucy had to go back to her natural habitat. Sadly, she didn’t really have one. Film depictions omit out the part where adult chimps and orangutans are so scary and powerful that they no longer can be left in the custody of their owners. Like many grown-up chimpanzees, Lucy was shifted around in an attempt to find her a good home. Depressed in her new digs in an African sanctuary and acclimating poorly to the wild and others of her species, she was relegated to Baboon Island in a partial state of captivity.
Lucy was never able to fit in with fellow chimps but still fully trusted humans. That’s probably what killed her. Hand-fed by humans, she was easy pickings for poachers. A decade of Doritos and alcohol pilfered from the Temerlin’s liquor cabinet–the preferred cuisine of the average Midwestern teenager–had ruined her appetite for leaves and bugs and made her emotionally and physically dependent on humans.
The Scientific Travesty Inspired By Ronald Reagan’s Idiotic ’50s B-Comedy
Source: Pinoy Daily News
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