‘The Bachelorette’ Just Did ‘Seinfeld’s ‘The Contest’

There couldn’t be two franchises more different than Seinfeld, America’s all-time greatest sitcom, and The Bachelor, America’s all-time greatest shame. One’s a comedy, and the other is … well, pretty much a comedy at this point. Okay, but one is about a single man dating loads of women in rapid succession and disqualifying them at the drop of a hat, and the other is … hmm, these two might be more similar than we realized. 

And last week, the two got even closer as The Bachelorette decided to recreate a Seinfeld classic by asking the men to be masters of their own domain. We’re talking, of course, about Seinfeld‘s “The Contest” in which Jerry, Elaine, George, and Kramer each challenge the others to see who can hold out the longest without “indulging.”

The Bachelorette had a slightly different spin on the concept. Rather than compete against each other, the men were simply asked to stay hands-free for only one week in what The Bachelorette producers dubbed a WOWO or a “week off whack off.” It was unclear what would have happened if one of the men failed the challenge, but judging by how terrified these guys looked, the range of possibilities seemed to run from being sent home to having their noses rubbed in it. 

Clearly, this is a group of men that is used to cumming on the regular (with the obvious exception of Mike the virgin who seems so used to being celibate that we wonder if he even touches his dick to pee), so we knew it wouldn’t be easy. But what made it so weird was that the request (supposedly) came from Katie. Isn’t this the woman who’s made “sex-positive” into her own catchphrase? Isn’t this the woman who values the practice of masturbation so dearly that she brought a dildo onto the last season of The Bachelor?