But even if you didn’t possess the empathetic powers beyond that of cooked spuds, you’d still be able to easily deduce that Greg is the last man standing in the end. Last week he got the first-impression rose, which usually guarantees victory on The Bachelorette. (Interestingly, it’s not at all predictive on The Bachelor, which maybe says something about the nature of men vs. women? But that’s probably for another article.) Five of the past seven Bachelorettes gave the first-impression rose to their eventual winner and one of the two who didn’t came into the season halfway, which makes it murky as a data-point.
But what seals it for Greg is that this week he got the first one-on-one date, which is normally another highly predictive marker for success. To have both the first one-on-one and the first-impression rose is like drawing Exodia in Yu-Gi-Oh – an automatic win – but you obviously already knew that because the Venn diagram of Bachelor fans and Yu-Gi-Oh aficionados is a perfect circle.
All this is to say, it’s great for Greg, but it’s kind of annoying for the rest of us that we’re aware who wins by week 2. The suspense is gone, and yeah, the producers and the editors will spend the next 8 weeks attempting to show how the other guys are seeming to gain ground, but that’s all an illusion when we know Gregretariat has already lapped them. I don’t have an answer for how to fix this, but the powers at be better figure something out, or we’ll begin to wonder why we watch this damn show, to begin with.
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